The Caskett Capers
by Docnerd89
Summary: It's Christmas eve and Kate wants to hear a story. One shot.
1. Chapter 1

**The Caskett Capers.**

He looked down at her sleepy form as she cuddled even closer to him on the rug in front of his fireplace at the loft. It was Christmas eve, and even though there were no chestnuts roasting on an open fire, he was filled with the Christmas spirit, all warm and fuzzy from the eggnog and her. Kate, with her sock clad toes wriggling ever so slightly where she had dug them under his thigh. Nice and snug and – cuddly. Cuddly Beckett.

"Tell me a story," she demanded lazily, while stroking her fingers along his arm back and forth – back and forth.

He sighed, shaking himself out of the trance, and spoke in a low voice that sounded so perfect for storytelling that she sighed too. Until –

"'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the-" He stopped abruptly. "Ouch!"

"Something original, Castle. What's the use of having an author for a boyfriend if you're going to plagiarize?"

He gasped, pretending to be indignant so unconvincingly that she had to roll her eyes at him. Some things are hard to let go off. But she also smiled indulgently, and he grinned back at her.

"I'm just borrowing. Don't worry, the story is completely original."

"Uhuh." She said, thoroughly unconvinced.

Dramatically he cleared his throat and began again, "'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the city, the power had been cut by the evil, Mc. Titti!"

She snorted, but he forged on. "The Kat signal was shone through the night sky with care. In hopes that Kat-IC soon would be there."

"Cat signal?" She asked with furrowed brows.

"Kat with a 'K', for Kat-IC, vigilante superhero, defender of the city. IC stands for Incredible Caffeininja."

"Castle, this is ridiculous. And your villain is named 'Mc. Titti '?"

"Kind of. His name is Dr. Alfred Titterman, an evil doctor who has come up with the evil genius plan of lacing coffee with nanobots so that anyone who drinks gets desperate to have more coffee. And he plans to open a chain of cheap substandard coffee to meet their needs and mint money, so that he slowly takes over the world! Muahahaha!"

"Castle. Nevermind. I think we should go back to staring at the fire," she said wearily before narrowing her eyes and enunciating, "_quietly_."

"Pfft. That's no fun. Now that you've got me started, you'll have to listen to all of it."

"But I –" she was about to say more, but he cut her off by placing his palm on her mouth and earning himself a glare.

"Nuh – uh. So, Mc. Titti is the name given to him by none other than Kat-IC's very own plucky side-kick – RICKAFFINATE!"

She rolled her eyes again. "Yeah. Completely original story."

"Rickaffinate has the very important job of supplying her with a steady dose of caffeine which is her weakness and strength. You see," he said, throwing in a dramatic pause and sigh, "About a year ago, our superhero, Kat-IC was just a normal girl, with a normal job as a café barista. But she was shot during a robbery. She would have died if not for a mysterious stranger who injected her with a prototype drug, "adawomantium". It spread through her veins and strengthened her heart and in less than a day, her bullet wound had healed. She swore, then, to protect the city she so loved from the evils that lurked in the shadows."

"If I have to listen to more of this, at least make me some hot chocolate."

"Eh, you should have asked earlier," he replied as he got up and gave her a hand.

She hoped that had gotten her some respite from this rubbish. Well, maybe that was harsh. But yeah, it was rubbish. He really is a child. But there was no respite for her as he continued to build his story as he pushed her towards the kitchen.

"Rickaffinate, too, was just a man. Just a man whose love had been killed, and revived again. But she chose not to see him. Not to let him see her, as she recovered. Healed. Trained with the great –" he paused for a fraction to think of a name. "With the great mysterious man, who adopted a hidden identity of "Roger", the physiotherapist."

"Original and subtle. I'm so surprised. And I suppose she has blades of – " she paused to make air quotes " 'adawomantium' springing out from her knuckles?" she said flatly as he stirred her chocolate.

"Hah. No! What do you take me for?" He saw her opening her mouth for what was surely to be a witty reply, and so he added quickly, "No, she just has fists of steel. She can pack a punch. With her fists. Of steel. Well – of adawomantium."

"Please, don't stop now. I'm intrigued," she said in a monotone voice as he poured her a cup of cocoa, and then one for himself.

"I'm so glad you like it so far," he said with such a sincere, boyish grin, that it made her melt and she gave him a quick, chocolaty peck. He licked his lips with a hum and hastened on as they headed back to the rug, but not before grabbing an open bag of marshmallows to take along.

"So," Kate continued for him, picking the story up from where he left it off. Showing him just how 'in this' she is. "Roger the physiotherapist helped train her. And then?"

"And then she came back to New York, ready within the short period of three months because she's a quick learner, and because – _more importantly because_ – she missed him. The man she loved. When she told him her story, at first he was overwhelmed but then he too vowed to always stand by her and help her fight the evil forces harbored by the city."

"Okay. That's a touching back story. Dr. Titterman went through with his plan?"

"Not if Kat-IC and Rickaffinate had anything to say about it. Unbeknownst to the terrible terror, ; one of his henchmen drank way too much one night, and spilled the beans to a good Samaritan at a bar. This good Samaritan was a loyal follower of the adventures of Kat-IC and Rickaffinate. The whole city had slowly learned of their good deeds. On the night when Mc. Titti decided to follow through with his plan, he had messed with the power grids all through the city, so that it was shrouded in darkness."

"If that's the case, how did they send up the Kat signal?"

"The good Samaritan had a generator. Duh."

"Duh. Silly me," she said as she shook her head and tried not to punch him.

"Right. He sent up the signal and when Kat-IC and Rickaffinate arrived, he told them everything he knew. After he recovered."

"After he recovered from what?" she asked, confused.

"Oh, he was stunned by Kat-IC, who stood before him, dressed from head to toe in _tight _–" Rick leaned close to her. "_Black_" He said softly, but clearly with his mouth at her ear. "_Leather"_ He said and then nipped at her ear lobe before pulling back to see that her eyes were closed and she was biting down on her lip, in that incredibly sexy way she does. He stared blankly even as she opened her eyes, and she had to nudge him. He blinked. "See? She had super powers even before getting the adawomantium."

Kate chuckled. He smiled.

"Now, naturally, as this beautiful, ethereal creature stood in front of him, with a black mask to hide her face, and her softly curled hair swaying in the cool breeze of the night – "

"Wait!"

"What?"

"What about Rickaffinate?"

"Well, as you can guess, he was stunned too."

"No, I mean, what was he wearing. What's his get up?" She asked as she placed her hand over his chest and dug her nails in, causing his breath to hitch. She glanced between his lips and his eyes, knowing fully well what that did to him. "Does he get to wear, _tight black leather_, too?" She asked, looking up at him through her lashes, all seductive.

"Umm," he said before gulping. "He can wear whatever you want – I mean, whatever Kat-IC wants him to wear."

"Even spandex?"

"I don't know. I hear it can get itchy, but whatever lights her fire," he said with a shrug.

"You hear, huh?" she asked him with a full blown smile.

"Uh. Yeah," he said, without meeting her eyes. She giggled. "Anyway, on with the story. They were clued in to his evil plot. With the help of some of New York's finest whom they had befriended over the past few months, Kat-IC and Rickaffinate managed to stop most of the shipments of the nanobot-laced caffeine to the leading cafes across the city. But Mc. Titti was having none of that. Angered, that his plan was about to be ruined, he sent his henchmen to capture Kat-IC's best friend, Ms. Imma Smackdat."

Kate really laughed at that. She had tears flowing down her face. "If she ever heard about this – "

"I certainly hope this story is just for us."

"Hmm. You hope," she said as she patted his thigh.

"Dumb as all evil geniuses are, Mc. Titti told Ms. Smackdat all about his plan, and how he had been foiled, but he wouldn't let Marlot Anderson get away with it."

"Who's Marlot Anderson?"

"Ah! Why, he's the mysterious Roger, of course!"

"Of course."

"Marlot Anderson was actually a research scientist. He and Dr. Alfred Titterman used to be best friends and research partners. They were working on a grant for coming up with a drug that would be delivered through nanobots, that would hasten wound healing. They planned on using it across hospitals in America, in battle fields for our brave soldiers – that sort of thing. But Titterman started getting greedy; he started unsanctioned experiments on animals, and so Marlot got him thrown out of the program. Ever since then, Titterman had sworn revenge."

"Why the whole coffee-chain plan then?"

"He'd heard stories of the famous Kat-IC. That bullets would pierce her, like they would any normal person. But she would heal rapidly, and that was unheard of. But not unheard of by him. He knew that Marlot had something to do with this. However, he planned on harming not just Marlot, but also the country and city that did him a disservice by dishonoring him. He started where Marlot was last known to have been seen. At a café, where he wasn't so careful with his identity one night, when a burglary and shooting took place. He connected the dots and planned his attack. It was a brilliant scheme, really, and came to him at just the right time. He had developed his own nanobots and would unleash them where they would reach everyone. Everywhere."

"He told all of this to Ms. Smackdat?" Kate asked.

"Yup. Turns out, evil geniuses are really not all that smart."

"Hmm. Do Kat-IC and Rickaffinate magically know where she is and come save her?" Really, how long was this story? Because Kate had started to get really comfortable, cuddled into him again and warmed by the fire. They were horizontal on the rug, and she was going to fall asleep soon. But, she had to admit, she wanted to know the end of this ridiculous tale.

"No, of course not. Magic. Psh." He waved his hand in the air, dismissing the idea.

She snorted at that and ran her hand across his chest.

"Mc. Titti underestimated Ms. Smackdat. Smackdat, being Kat-IC's best friend, was clued in to her identity and had stashed her tiny, tiny cell phone into her – ouch!" Rick said as she pinched him. Without looking at her face he could see her glaring at him. "I was just going to say, into her knee high leather boot. Jeez. Violent woman," he said, rubbing at the skin she had just pinched.

"Yeah, well. I don't need to know about Smackdat stuffing things in places."

"Such a dirty mind. I love it," he growled. Then he continued. "So Kat-IC and Rickaffinate heard the whole tale, although muffled – by her _boot_ – and contacted Marlot immediately. Together they came up with a plan. Since his nanobot shipments were already taken care of, the only thing left to take care of was Mc. Titti himself."

"What next?" she asked as she lay her head on his chest and yawned while her hand continued to rub patterns across his shoulder.

"Now we come to the crux of the story. Marlot and Kat-IC went to Mc. Titti's lair. Kat-IC pretended to offer Marlot to him, in exchange for Ms. Smackdat. Titti didn't fall for it, but he did fall for the distraction. So while he tried to kill Marlot, Kat-IC expertly thwarting his every effort, Rickaffinate snuck in and released Ms. Smackdat to safety. Once they knew she was safe, Kat-IC took her chance and injected with a serum."

"What was in the serum?"

"The serum was a left-over prototype from Mc. Titti's own failed experiments from the past. The adawomantium was reverse engineered from it, after making extensive changes. While adawomantium gave it's bearer unmatched strength through its properties of wound healing, Titti's serum," he stopped to giggle, till Kate lightly slapped his shoulder. Though, he could have sworn he heard her giggle too. "Titti's serum ate away at the flesh and bones. Right in front of their eyes, dissolved into nothingness."

"And so Kat-IC, her plucky sidekick Rickaffinate and Marlot Anderson saved the day, and coffee shops across the city."

"Yup. But that's not all."

"It's not?" she asked as he pulled the blanket they had kept ready up over them.

"Nope. What kind of lame ending is that?"

"Okay, oh master story-teller. What would be a befitting ending to this story?"

"Mmm. Master story-teller. You're totally hot for me right now, aren't you?"

She laughed at that, feeling a little awake again. He pouted. "Hmm. I may be. So, the end?"

"Ah, right. The story ends with our hero and the love of her life –"

"Yes?" she asked, propping her chin on her chest and looking into his eyes.

"- making out as the clock struck midnight, and brought in Christmas with the promise of good coffee and lots of kisses." He ended with a flourish and a huge goofy grin.

She groaned and dug her forehead into the space between his neck and shoulder. "That ruined it."

"_That_ ruined it?" He said while shaking with laughter. "Kate, the whole story was a bunch of hooey."

He could feel her smile into his shoulder. "No, it was a good story. I liked their back stories. Adds character."

"Uhuh. You wanna know my favorite part?" He asked while jostling his shoulder so she would lift her head.

"How _ever_ will I guess?" she said with an eye roll.

Ignoring this response, he said, "My favorite part is the making out and all the kisses in the end."

"You don't say." She smiled at him, the one that showed him all her teeth, and some of her tongue. The one that he saw only when she was with him. "Castle?" she breathed softly.

"Yeah?" he said just as softly, awed and in love.

"Thanks for my story."

"Merry Christmas, Kate."

She looked to the clock to see that it was indeed, finally Christmas.

"Merry Christmas, Castle." She kissed him. And then she kissed him some more. It _was_ a good ending.

* * *

**A/N: **If you think this is completely crack, that's on me. But. BUT, you can blame tshlw and dtrekker. ;) And…Marlot Anderson is not Andrew Marlowe. *shift eyes* Leave me a note to tell me how completely nuts I am?


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **The carol isn't mine, nor is Castle. But I sure had fun with it.

**A/N: **Fair warning; don't drink while reading my stuff. Since I'm obviously insane, as ya'll now know, *grin*, I had to write this. It was stuck in my head in an endless loop, and if I have to suffer through that, you have to too. ; )

* * *

After celebrating Christmas with the Castle's at the loft, Kate came home happier than she had been for so many previous Christmases. But they didn't have a long vacation; they had to get back to work soon. And so she was back home, cleaning up and getting things ready for boring, usual everyday life. As she finally went to put her jacket in the coat closet, she heard what sounded like paper rustling. She found the source to be a rectangular, folded sheet of paper in one of the jacket pockets. She took it out and hardly got to reading two lines before she started smiling in earnest. The goofball.

* * *

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the city  
The power had been cut by the evil, Mc. Titti.  
The Kat signal was shone through the night sky with care,  
In hopes that Kat-IC soon would be there.

The children were nestled all snug with their toffees,  
While adults were sipping their yet unadulterated coffees.  
And Kat-IC, in tight leather, all shiny and black,  
Watched her plucky side-kick, Rickaffinate, nap.

When out in the sky, she saw the call of distress,  
She sprang from their bed to see about the mess.  
Away to the window she flew like a flash,  
Tore open the shutters and smelled the New York trash.

She woke her partner and they set off to go,  
To find the source of the signal, with good Samaritan below.  
When, what the Samaritan said he had heard,  
Messing with coffee? That's truly absurd!

With help from New York's finest, so lively and quick,  
She knew that in moments their plan would stick.  
More rapid than eagles, Titti's shipments were stopped,  
And he growled, and lashed, and in anger, he hopped!

"Now Slasher! Now, Lancer! Wear pants here and quick!  
Foiled though my plan is, we shall get the mighty Kat-IC.  
To the garage! And abduct the best friend of Miss. Kat!  
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away to Smackdat!"

As they stood there and stared like he's off his rockers,  
He explained that Imma Smackdat was her name, though a shocker.  
So up to her house they went and kidnapped her,  
By the end did they grab her, but also learned she's a smacker.

And then, in a twinkling, they heard in the lair,  
The prancing and dancing Titti, so rare.  
As they slowly backed up, and left him from fright,  
Down the street, Kat-IC was planning through the early night.

She called upon Marlot Anderson, her creator and re-giver of life,  
The one who cut through her bullet wound with a knife.  
He'd injected her with adawomantium, a drug with such magic,  
It healed all her wounds, saved her end from being tragic.

He told her the tale of how Alfred Titterman and he,  
Went from best friend and lab partner to sworn enemy  
His droll little mouth was drawn into a frown,  
As he helped Kat-IC and Rickaffinate turn the situation around.

With a plan they set off to save Ms. Smackdat,  
Using Marlot as bait, they'd lure Mc. Titti into a trap.  
Titti didn't fall for a plan so weak,  
But it was enough for Rickaffinate to be able to sneak!

While he tried to kill his nemesis, Titti didn't see,  
That Rickaffinate had quietly set Ms. Smackdat free.  
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,  
Soon gave Kat-IC the chance for which they had prepared.

Titti yelled out and winced as he looked on in pain,  
The needle stuck out from one of his veins.  
Kat-IC had struck him with his own evil nanobots,  
And they ate at his flesh & bones till he was no more than a dot!

They all rejoiced, and as the clock struck twelve,  
Marlot departed, happy, and too disgusted to dwell.  
Now that city was saved from a caffeine-less plight,  
Rickaffinate kissed Kat-IC all through the Christmas night.

~The End~

* * *

By the time she finished, she was lying down on her bed with a silly smile stretched across her face. She typed out a message quickly, and sent it to him. Then she set the paper on her bed side table and snuggled into her cozy blanket and fell into a peaceful slumber.

Minutes later, at the loft, Castle grinned into the darkness of his room as he read her message. "Good night kisses to the best plucky sidekick, Rickaffinate. - XO, Kat-IC."

* * *

**A/N: **I'm sorry. I had to do it! It's like a compulsion! And I dedicate it to all my twitter and fanfic friends, and readers. Ya'll are always awesome, and encouraging. And though this stuff is ridiculous, you still love me through it.


End file.
